When will it be my turn...?

When will it be my turn to leave?

I'm so tired of this place that it's not even funny.

I don't remember the last time I felt so restless in one place. I used to wish that we would situate ourselves in a country and stay there longer than two years. Now, it has been almost six years and I want out of this country. I am tired of being here, seeing the same drama, same problems, same faces, every day. I want new, I want adventure, I want change; no. I NEED new, I NEED adventure, I NEED change. I want out so badly that its getting to my head.

I can't sit down in one place for more than ten to fifteen minutes, I'm constantly fidgeting. I almost got worried that maybe I had gotten ADHD or something. I can't stand the way my room looks, I can't stand the view from my room. I hate it here. I hate the people here. I hate the air here. I hate the cars here. I hate the bugs here. I hate the sunlight here. I hate the lies here. I hate the drama here. I hate the backstabbing here. I hate the regulations here. I hate the rules here. I hate the clubs here. I hate the phones here. I hate the paper here. I hate the teachers here. I hate the school here. I hate the education system here. I hate the tutors here. I hate the private tutors here. I hate it all. And that, my friends, is A LOT of hate. It's messing with my head... I hate it all.

I want to go away from this place, I want to start anew. I want to see the family that I haven't seen in years. I have never been given the opportunity to  be close with them. I don't know them like most people know their cousins or just family in general. I don't think any of them even remember what I look like let alone who I am. I hate this place so much. I want to be away and done with this place. I'm so done with the drama and the overly emotional people who don't let things go. I'm done with the incompetant people and such.

I'm not a fan of traveling by plane but just right now, that's starting to look really nice. I think part of the reason for me wanting to leave so bad is because I went on three trips with the track team. Twice to Okinawa and once to Tokyo. Either way, being out the country was great, even if it wasn't for living purposes it was just nice to be away from this. I want to be away from this. I want to be given the opportunity to start anew. I wouldn't mind living in a boarding school for a few months as long as it would be away from here.

Everyone but me seems to be able to get what they want at least once in their lives. Everyone, that is, but me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I have a great family and a handful of great friends... But then there are a few people... Man... They really put out the fire of what little greatness in this miserable world that there is. Eh... Nothing new there I guess... I mean it could be much worse, ya know? But... I just really want out...

I find myself crying every night, I'll have a nightmare, wake up, then I'll sit there looking through pictures and postcards and what not. I'll get online and talk to friends who I miss dearly... And then I just cry by myself some more... Nothing is as it seems, and its funny, because to my friends and the world around me, I'm the most cheerful worry free, tough, strong, etc. person they know. But in reality... I'm so broken up inside that I don't think the little needles can find enough string to piece up the pieces of my heart...

But oh well right?

Right...

Looking for a light... A way out...

Kimmy