I used to laugh whenever I heard those four words. But now when I hear those four words I get chills everywhere in my body. Nothing functions right and my mind turns into jelly. I am able to think of nothing and instead I am crowded by thoughts of hatred, jealousy, and anger. These thoughts are ruining my person, they are poison to my system; my heart, my mind, and my soul.
No longer am I able to think without having my thoughts tainted by rude, vulgar, and harsh images, feelings, and emotions. I feel so much hate that it hurts to think now. But still, even having considered all the options on terms of what I can do, I don't think any of the ideas would work. And that my friends, is not only nerve racking but it is like death. It is like a slow painful death that cannot be delayed. I feel like I am destined to a path that leads me to nothing but death. I am to die a slow painful death.
Miserable as I am, I am grateful for one thing. That one thing I am grateful for is most definitely the best form of support, my family and my one true friend (so far), A.H. I have friends like M.S. as well but I'm not quite sure how loyal or supportive she is of me. I know also that I have a great handful of people whom I once considered to be my friends, but now I am not sure who I can trust and who is truely a friend. This one "hoe" has made it impossible to trust anyone. These lies have become so large and un apprehendable that I cannot trust even the most reliable friends...
As if this was all not enough... I have many other fears and issues. One of which is my faith... It is hindering. I have come to find myself questioning my Savior. It is a grave sin that I have to correct but I'm not sure how... I'm stuck...
What has my life come to?
BANannaHELP
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